How often do you find yourself in a situation?, when you don't like something, you feel dissatisfied, but you prefer to remain silent and agree? Or in a situation, when you don't like something, and you explode either right away, or after being silent for a long time and accumulating insults? If you recognize yourself in these situations, you should get acquainted with the concept of assertiveness.
* Assertiveness - behavior, which combines inner strength and friendliness towards the environment, it is characterized by defending one's interests and rights with respect for the rights and interests of others.
Unlike aggressive behavior, in which a person puts his needs above the needs of others and provokes conflicts, and from passive behavior, in which man puts the needs of others above his own, allowing others to violate their own rights, assertiveness involves partnership, communication on equal terms and maintaining relationships even in the most difficult situations.
Which includes assertiveness?
-ability to openly express their desires and needs;
-ability to say no;
-the ability to speak openly about their positive and negative feelings;
-ability to make contacts, as well as start, support and end the conversation;
-the ability to praise and compliment;
-ability to accept compliments and criticism
What gives us assertive behavior?
- The more a person defends himself and acts in a manner, which she considers correct, the higher her self-esteem.
- A person's chances of getting what he wants from life increase, if others understand, what she wants, and see, that it protects its rights and needs.
- If a person directly expresses feelings of dissatisfaction, then negative emotions do not accumulate. When she does not feel painful shyness and anxiety, does not spend energy on self-defense, it feels calm and free.
Here are some ways to start assertive communication:
- Determine, what you want / what you need / what you feel. Realize, that you are entitled to these desires, need, sense.
- Speak calmly, not defending. Pay attention to the tone and volume of the voice.
- Use "I -statement" ( "I…", “I love / want…”, "I don't want…") - Take responsibility for your own opinions, feelings and needs.
- Listen carefully to the interlocutor, answer him only after considering his point of view. Keep in mind, that there are many different opinions.
- Pay attention to your nonverbal behavior. Maintain eye contact with the interlocutor, but not too vigilant.
- Keep an open position: return the body and face to the interlocutor, do not cross your arms and legs. Give the interlocutor some space, but don't back down.
- Expressing the need, be clear and specific in your wording. Example: INSTEAD: "You never clean in our apartment", TRY IT: "I would be grateful, if we both tried to keep our apartment clean ".
- which usually makes you happy or happy, what do you have the right to say "NO". Set limits on the use of your time, participation or energy are important skills, which you need to have or get.
Assertiveness strategies:
– Broken record. Be persistent, repeat again and again, what you want, without irritating or raising his voice. Stick to your point of view.
– Useful Information. Learn to listen to the interlocutor and read the information, which he gives you. It will allow you to make arguments, based on the phrases uttered by the interlocutor.
– Disclosure of information. Assertively disclose information about you: that your brain doesn't shut down, what do you think, feel and how you feel about information, which comes from the interlocutor.
– Eclipse. This technique will help you deal with criticism of you. Do not deny criticism and do not counterattack.
– Agree with the truth. Find that in criticism, which is true, and agree with this part of what has been said.
– Agree with that, that there was a misunderstanding.
– Agree completely. and that's fine: "It makes sense".
– Deny the wrong conclusions. Respond assertively to inaccuracies and logical errors.
– Find a compromise.
For a person, who wants to live a full life, evolve, be free, self-sufficient, confident , assertiveness is an absolute necessity.
We wish you success and the acquisition of new useful skills!
