From time to time, couples ask me to "diagnose" their relationship. Honestly, not a very useful thing. Third person, even a psychotherapist, difficult to determine, which is the norm for relationships, what you are ready and can do.
How many pairs exist, so many norms. If we are satisfied with that, what happens to each of us in a relationship, this is the best indicator of their quality. That's why I usually suggest that the partners try to "play" in the relationship a bit and evaluate, how they feel in them.
Today I want to share with you a fairly simple "express test", which will allow in game form for approx 10 minutes to live a little life with your partner. And what is more important - will give a wide field for experiments.
therefore, the initial conditions are as follows: you and your partner have a fairly trusting relationship, you are both calm now, you have 10-20 minutes of time and a quiet place, where no one will distract you, and it is better to see. Starting position: you are facing each other at a distance slightly more outstretched.
The first phase
You are standing nearby, with his hands down, but do not interact in any way. Try to feel, how do you feel about that. Quietly? Anxiously? What you want to do? Increase the distance? Make sure, that the partner did not run away? Concentrate on yourself?
Mark it for yourself.
Second phase
Without agreeing and without opening your eyes, very slowly find your partner's palms with your palms and "get acquainted" with them, touching and "exploring" them. And what, how is this "acquaintance", can also be informative. You take the initiative, are you waiting, when you are "found"? You are trying to invent something or limit yourself to a formal business handshake? What do you feel at the moment? Excitement, tenderness, interest, sadness or something else? Just feel it, that is felt. Note this. Try experimenting a bit with interaction (but remember - only the palms!) and gradually move to another phase.
The third phase
Then also through the interaction of the palms try to be active and passive side. That is, one partner becomes a leader for a while and can do everything with the palms of another, whatever he wants. The other simply obeys and follows the partner. Then the roles change. Here it is also important to track feelings.
The fourth phase
We move on to the next phase. Now, through the interaction of the palms, give your partner a feel, that you possess a certain power. Show me, that each of you may not give in and insist on your own. You can even have a little conflict, to argue, verify, who is in charge (it is important to dose the force so, so as not to hurt each other). And then you can "reconcile". How is it for you?
Fifth phase
Through the contact of the palms, thank your partner for everything, that you lived together. And just as slowly end your hand contact and return to the state, from which they began - opposite each other, hands down. Give yourself about a minute for that, to feel the "aftertaste" of interaction. What are you feeling now? Pleasure? Rest? Sorrow? Excitation? Something?
And you can open your eyes.
It is easy to notice, what stages, which you live with an exercise partner, symbolically reflect the stages of the relationship, through which we all pass.
First, we are each in our own space, alone with yourself. Then there is the acquaintance, then - the romantic period of "discovery" of a partner, the experience of interaction appears, then there is a certain rivalry, which is a continuation of the acquaintance and ends in reconciliation and even greater intimacy. Well, finally the end and farewell.
And then - a new cycle. And more. And more.
* After the exercise, it is interesting to ask yourself and discuss a few questions with your partner.
- Which was the most enjoyable? And unpleasant?
- What was missing?
- Which was too much?
- What else did you want?
but in moderation, you will notice interesting parallels with your real relationships and this can also be a topic for discussion. Does it look like that, how you behaved in the exercise, with that, how you behave in life? And what would it be, if at some point you did something wrong, as usual? As it was with you and your partner? But try next time.
In fact, there are many such metaphorical exercises for interaction. So - it will continue.
By the way, the technique described here can be used without focusing too much on awareness. You can try to just enjoy such an unusual physical contact with a partner. And yet - pay attention to that, how your partner responded to the offer to try the exercise. If he agreed, then you can already rejoice for yourself. If your couple has room to experiment, this is already a clear sign of trust in your relationship.
So, and don't forget to hug your partner tightly after all this and thank him for it, that he has you.
Creativity and inspiration to you in your relationship!
